Happy Dog

I haven't written anything in a really long time. I've been having constant conversations in my head. You know like when your really happy, so happy that you just have too many emotions going on in your head to actually express just one and so you run around and do things that look insane to everyone around you but just feel so right to you. Or maybe that's just me, and the good ole dog inside me. Basically i'm really happy today and it just feels right.

Summer is so close I can feel the warmth creeping up under my shirt when i'm walking to class. So close that when I wear my flippy floppies I can't focus for the life of me because all I can think about is how I want sand in between my toes. So close I want to workout till i'm as sweaty as I am after climbing a mountain. So close that when I smell BBQ I have to fight the urge to throw my backpack to the ground and run around like a puppy. So close that I catch myself daydreaming about the sound and smell of a cool river on a hot sunny day, and the refreshing cold beer after a long hot sevens practice, and the endless hours of fetch and cuddling on the grass with Charlie and Suzie, and this growing urge to enter the forest with the intention of never coming back out. This summer is going to be good, and I mean real good. Summer of '09 seems hard to beat but I felt the same way about last summer and look how that turned out. I'm excited for adventures, and long days in the sun and water, and not having to set my alarm every single morning even though I really enjoy waking up to NPR. But I want the power of being able to turn it on myself when I am ready to get out of bed. Also, I am excited to have time in the mornings to make tea and read whatever it is I want to read. Ah it's so close i'm going crazy..

I had a really good Mother's Day. I miss my mom a lot, and at this point I know that's okay and I am strong enough to handle it. It feels good to miss her, to think about the person she was, the good person she was, and think of what she'd make of the life I live without her. But that's just the thing, I don't feel like i'm living without her. I feel like she is here all the time, like she never left. There are parts of my life that I don't like to fully tell the people around me because it almost makes them a little impersonal. Those little things that make my soul soar.. they make me want to scream at the world for how wonderful they are, but if I scream them their close intimacy will be lost.. Those feelings that keep me so happy I can't control myself. It's those things I tell her. My secrets. The ones that are mine and only mine, but I feel okay telling her because that is why she is here. To listen to me... and my secrets.