Fail.

I am frustrating the shit out of myself. And I think i've had the last straw. I woke up today really wanting to run.. or go to crossfit for a group workout. And my leg was ready two weeks ago, but because of my inability to control my impulses for random acts of spasticism I have set myself back a few weeks. Why do I do this to myself I don't understand. While I am climbing 3 chain link fences in a row, or cutting like a psycho on a really tight quad I am thinking about how I should not be doing it. I even think about how terrible it would be if I retore my quad in the process, but for some reason I don't stop myself. I keep going, because I have this ridiculous mindset that if I can stand the pain then it doesn't matter. But pain is my body telling me that I need to take it down a notch, and I need to listen. It's like when Suzie is playing fetch.. if you throw the ball she is going to sprint after it. She can't help it, when she needs a break you know it because she lingers with the ball because she knows that if she gives it to you there will be no time to catch her breathe. When I see something worth climbing I feel like I need to climb it, like if I don't climb it right then and there I will never get to climb it and i'll miss that opportunity. This probably sounds stupid, because I mean after all I am talking about climbing trees, but I am a weird person with strange tendencies. I am ok with that, but I am not okay with this stagnant inbetween state my torn quad has put me in. I feel like my whole life is on hold, and everything i'm doing now doesn't matter because the I can't make the progress I want to toward my most important goals. It's time I did something about it, I am the reason I am in this medial state and it's about time I did something about it.

Untitled.

So my torn quad is well on it's way to recovery. That was the month of hell. Didn't know I was such an impatient person. Well I did but I was unaware of how to handle it if exercise wasn't the answer. I am really sad I missed the half marathon but like Scott said there's always next year! I feel so good right now, like I have control over myself more than I ever have. I know what I want and I know how to get it, and I know exactly what i'm willing to sacrifice or how much i'm willing to give in order to get those things. People act like fitness is the hardest thing to manage but for me it's the easiest. It makes the most sense out of everything I do. I'm grateful for all of the awesome friends I have and i'm grateful for this amazing Seattle weather. I am really excited for this quarter to end, and to use the open days of winter break to get into really good shape for rugby. It's not gonna be as fast as I would like it to be, for my quads sake, but i'm working out again. A wrong has been righted :)