Fail.

I am frustrating the shit out of myself. And I think i've had the last straw. I woke up today really wanting to run.. or go to crossfit for a group workout. And my leg was ready two weeks ago, but because of my inability to control my impulses for random acts of spasticism I have set myself back a few weeks. Why do I do this to myself I don't understand. While I am climbing 3 chain link fences in a row, or cutting like a psycho on a really tight quad I am thinking about how I should not be doing it. I even think about how terrible it would be if I retore my quad in the process, but for some reason I don't stop myself. I keep going, because I have this ridiculous mindset that if I can stand the pain then it doesn't matter. But pain is my body telling me that I need to take it down a notch, and I need to listen. It's like when Suzie is playing fetch.. if you throw the ball she is going to sprint after it. She can't help it, when she needs a break you know it because she lingers with the ball because she knows that if she gives it to you there will be no time to catch her breathe. When I see something worth climbing I feel like I need to climb it, like if I don't climb it right then and there I will never get to climb it and i'll miss that opportunity. This probably sounds stupid, because I mean after all I am talking about climbing trees, but I am a weird person with strange tendencies. I am ok with that, but I am not okay with this stagnant inbetween state my torn quad has put me in. I feel like my whole life is on hold, and everything i'm doing now doesn't matter because the I can't make the progress I want to toward my most important goals. It's time I did something about it, I am the reason I am in this medial state and it's about time I did something about it.